Too Soon
by Fafsernir
Summary: (Small Worlds) When going up on a roof wasn't enough, Jack tried new ways of getting his anger out.


_I wrote with this prompt idea alone, then we did it again with some friends, and I have two versions of it, so here it is :) (And no I clearly couldn't take another ship than Janto)_

 **Prompt Idea "i was super pissed so i went to the gym even tho it's really late at night so i was the only one there and i was at the punching bag listening to music and you surprised me by tapping me on the shoulder, holy shit i didn't mean to punch you, i'm so sorry, but srsly why the hell would you sURPRISE SOMEONE WHO IS ANGRY AND PUNCHING THINGS" au (Torchwood/aliens exist in this prompt)**

* * *

When going up on a roof, staring down at the city he had saved a thousand times, at the people who could live here because Torchwood was protecting them, when telling himself he was doing this for a good thing, that he was doing sacrifices for the greater good, when this wasn't enough, Jack was lost. He had watched the city, had liked the feeling of the wind threatening to throw him off the roof. But then he had actually wanted to jump, but he knew someone would guess it, and he didn't want any of them to know. Partly because none would sympathize, not after what he had done. God, why was this case so much tougher than usual? It wasn't the first time he had made sacrifices in his life.

Well, he knew why. Sacrificing a child, losing Estelle, remembering memories he would have rather forgotten. He hated being immortal sometimes. He hated being the leader, the "take all the consequences without any backing the very minute you screw up" thing. And everyone was judging him, hating him, none had talked to him since he had given Jasmine to the fairies. He had heard Gwen and Ianto talking quietly, then Gwen taking some of her anger off on him, and he had walked in. That had been enough. Ianto had shaken his head, and Gwen had thrown him a warning look.

He hadn't been able to take it any more and dismissed them for the night, even if they were already all half gone. Tosh had left as soon as he had said this and Jack had left right after, letting Gwen and Ianto close the Hub for the night. He'd go back when nobody was in.

As standing up on a roof did nothing, Jack decided to do something he hadn't in a while. He knew there was a room in their fucking big place, but it took him half an hour to find it again, his rage building up in the meantime, which could only be good for what he wanted to do.

When he finally found the little room, he opened a closet with maybe too much force, and took the punching bag out, grunting at the heavy weight, and hung it. He sighed, hands on his hips when he was done, and got off of his coat. After a moment of hesitation, he took his shirt off as well, letting his braces hung lose against his thighs. He hadn't done that in a while.

Fuck, he thought as he threw his first punch. He was already breathing heavily though he had made no true effort, but he was trying to hold back the tears. He let them out after a few punches, along with a frustrated cry. God he hated his life sometimes. It was too much to bare, and he still didn't know what he was, and he was hunting aliens down everyday while he was an alien to himself. Sometimes, he just wished he could die.

* * *

His heart was pounding against his ears, he couldn't see a damned thing because he was crying, and he was panting too harshly for it to be healthy. Not that it was a problem for him, again.

But he was too angry, too sad, too devastated to think straight, and when he heard a voice calling his name, he turned round and punched, ready to kill anyone who would harm him or his friends. Of course, he was in the Torchwood hub, so no alien threat right now, especially not in this room he supposed nobody knew about.

Which meant Ianto knew about it, of course. So he didn't even have to look down at the man now on the ground to guess who it was.

"What in the name of God were you thinking?!" he yelled, then remembered why he himself was here. "Are you okay?" he asked in a softer voice, not wanting to have Ianto against him as well.

"Mmh..." Ianto tried to speak but instead grunted, shaking his head.

Jack stretched out a hand to help him on his feet, and Ianto shaking his head once again hurt him way more than the team not speaking to him. So he was ignoring him too? He didn't want to speak to him as well?

"Look at your hands," Ianto managed to say, probably seeing the hurt in Jack's eyes.

Jack looked, and swore. He hadn't use any protection, and of course punching something never was healthy for unprotected hands, and maybe, just maybe he had blood all over his hands. For how long had he hit exactly?

Ianto got on his feet alone, a hand pressed under his nose to prevent the blood from running directly into his mouth, and Jack realised he had probably broken something. He almost ran to the tap to wipe the blood away from his own hands, mostly failing, but got most of it away with a towel. He motioned Ianto to come, which he did instead of occasionally looking at his hands, now as red as Jack's, with a confused expression.

"Did you have to punch me?" He asked – approximatively – when he arrived next to Jack.

Jack shrugged and took his hands in his to look at the damage, making Ianto wince and step back when he touched his nose.

"I'm sorry."

"I've seen worse."

"It's nothing bad, just..."

"Gimme a sec," Ianto asked, and Jack just stood there, his hands in the air, not moving.

"What the fucking hell, Ianto?!" he yelled when the man seemed to replace his own nose with a scream of his own. "You can't do that by yourself!"

"That hurts," Ianto whimpered.

"Of course it hurts, you dumbass! Seriously, why did you do that?"

"I've been doing this all my life, I'm okay... Mostly... Can you help me?"

And just like that, Jack moved again, opening the water to carefully wash the blood away.

"You know you did the right thing," Ianto said when Jack had his back on him, wetting a towel. Jack tightened his grip on Ianto's face but let go as soon as he noticed it, hoping Ianto wouldn't have felt it. He turned to him but didn't look at him.

"What? Punching you in the face?"

"Well I did deserve that one, didn't I?"

"Are we talking about the stupidity of calling me when I'm clearly in the middle of an angry moment?"

"Maybe. Maybe more," Ianto shrugged. "And I was talking about yesterday. I understand."

"I don't need your judgement, believe me, I already have three. Four with myself. Five with her mother. You know, the person who lost her husband? The mother of the child I sacrificed?"

"It was her or everyone. You didn't have a choice," Ianto whispered, and had to shut up when Jack carefully wiped the blood away under his nose.

"There's always a choice," Jack answered without looking at him.

"But you did the right one. I... I realised it. After Lisa," Ianto admitted, and Jack had to look at him because they hadn't mentioned Lisa for a long time. "You gave me time to think about it. You're the leader, you have to make the hard choices, and when you do, we're not a team. We're the one judging you. I know Tosh ignored you after Lisa. She didn't tell, but I know she did. Just like Owen has done since I'm back. Well, now thanks to you he's talking again. But that's not my point. They'll understand, Jack. And I'm sorry about Estelle."

"Wh-"

"Gwen told us. Don't piss her off, she's really bad at lying when she's angry. Thank you," he said when Jack took his hands, done with his face.

"Don't thank me, I put you in this situation. And you should see Owen as soon as he's around."

Ianto nodded, and shot a questioning look at Jack who didn't seem to let his hands go. Jack couldn't. Not after what he had said. He didn't know what to answer, he couldn't express how grateful he was to Ianto for even talking to him. He started to rub the blood away from Ianto's hands to give himself an excuse to keep them.

"You know I forgave you a long time ago, don't you?"

Jack stopped, not sure they were still talking about fairies any more. Well, he knew Ianto was talking about Lisa. He eventually nodded and resumed his work.

"I really am sorry," he whispered after a while, and looked up to see Ianto smiling weakly.

He stroked the back of his hand as he was staring at him in the eyes, and Ianto didn't move. He tensed maybe a bit, but he didn't pull back. They were close, they were too close. Fuck, not now, Jack thought, and he knew it was too late for him. It was up to Ianto now.

Even though Jack was dreading for this, he was surprised when Ianto leaned on and kissed him. It wasn't shy, as Jack would have expected it to be, but Ianto knew what he was doing. It was full of emotions and meaning and Jack lost himself in the kiss, forgetting about everything that had happened to him. Ianto pulled back after a while, putting a hand on Jack's shirt. He bit on his lip and Jack had to do the same so he wouldn't kiss him again right now.

"I... We can't. We shouldn't."

Jack closed his eyes and shook his head, because no, they really shouldn't, they couldn't, not especially after talking about Estelle and Lisa in the same conversation. God, what were they doing?

He didn't open his eyes, afraid of what he would see. Hatred in Ianto's eyes? The man probably hated him because it was Jack's fault if they were here now, if they had just kissed. He had been the one doing innuendos every now and then, and he had believed in everyone of them, he really did want the young man, but he couldn't. They were working together, and Jack didn't do that any more. Ianto knew about him, he knew about his immortality, he would never accept him.

Ianto didn't move. Not right away, anyway. Jack felt his mouth opened and closed, because they still were too bloody close, but he didn't say anything. Eventually, he kissed Jack again, and Jack didn't respond. He knew Ianto was coming to a decision, and he didn't want to influence him. So he let him kiss him, let him take his face between his hands. He let go, he forgot the pain, he forgot the team, he forgot the girl and Estelle, he forgot for a moment he was immortal and sometimes hated his life. He was just being kissed by a handsome Welshman, and God, he knew how to kiss.

When Ianto stepped back, Jack involuntary took a step forward but stopped himself. No. It was his choice.

"I... Just... Not ready. Not yet. Fuck I'm sorry," Ianto stuttered, his hands shaking.

And just like that, he disappeared, leaving Jack alone. Already feeling guilty because he hadn't done anything. He hadn't forced him, yes, but he hadn't pushed him back as well.


End file.
